You go ahead let your hair down...

I wished I could watch my life as a movie - to see the characters unfold, to empathise, sympathise, laugh, cry, enjoy - with the knowing detachment that as soon as the credits roll, reality kicks in.
And in a day or two, the plots, the character developments, the silly or sad lines that touched my heart, were just part of an imaginary plane.

But it isn't so.

Not meaning to sound too full of myself but why does one get berated for not doing good anymore, and another gets sympathy when she stops getting charity? Should the do-gooder not be appraised for a job well done so far and the one recieving charity be grateful for what they have received. Maybe, only in my head should such justice prevail.

To do things right...
To do the right thing...

I definitely did things right, alright.
But unfortunately, I was too myopic to do the right thing.

Don't let my happy-go-lucky exterior fool you.
It doesn't mean that because I'm happy to do something, it's what I wanted all along.
Don't be so naive.

outletofhonestexpression 12:27 AM

It's time for the annual Christmas Post!

There's isn't usually an annual Christmas Post... but Christmas always gives me this melancholy feeling - okay, maybe not melancholy but bitter sweet feeling which is a vast improvement from feeling just bitter in my younger years.

I'm actually looking very very much forward to 2010. Its a lovely number for a year.. like a restart or a new lap on the stopwatch of time in general. We all get a second chance, yet again.

Many a time I ponder about my 'unique' sense of the present. Literally, forgetting the past, sometimes, also forgetting about the future and just living in the now. Which could be either extremely positive or turn out extremely bad. Fortunately, I have the survival instinct (though sometimes it kicks in just before it's too late), to kindda keep me on track.

I guess it's time to reflect about the present (what will soon be the past) and look forward to the future.

2009 and "pre-yond" (in no particular order of importance):

1. My family has reached a stage where it's 3 women under one roof;
Even the "man" of the house has gone - I hope that Nicky is in a better place...

Nanda will be leaving (nicely requested to leave) in October. I guess... it's reached a point where only part time help will be required to upkeep the house. Anything else is a luxury according to the Aunty and she's very very carefully guarding her retirement nest egg.

I still don't know where the Mom is going or where she's coming from. I don't think she does either. But honestly, it doesn't matter to me anymore... she really is at that age where I think she can stop finding out. She is who she is and it seems better for me that way - to have that kind of certainty that she will always be this way and that allows for better planning on my part. Any other remittance in anyway, will be considered as a bonus. And no, I'm not saying this resignedly - I'm saying this lovingly, as any daughter would do.

2. I've only been going back to Gardens (albeit with the Boyfriend) every (or every other) weekend. I try to hang around to listen to the Mom and to check in that the two sisters haven't managed to wrangle each other to death with their words. I also try to catch hold of Gretel and Ashley when they're there for tuition with the Mom.

My room is an absolute state of neglected despair. I know that I don't technically live there anymore, but it's still my room - I still own it and I like knowing that it's mine. Will definitely take some time to clear it out over the next two weeks - all part of the "Dual Room Overhaul".

The Boyfriend's room has been a shared space of mess as well. I do like to think of it as an organised mess - and no, it's not a cop-out of just being lazy and stubborn. I do have designated spaces for certain things / functions like my area for clothes / area for makeup / area for dirty clothes / area for bags;

He has his own areas too - area for his "entertainment system" - i.e. PS3, LCD Tv and his latest addition to the Mac family - the MacBook Pro (light?), cupboard for his clothes, mini fridge for the balance whiskey / wine available, area under table and in cupboard and outside of room for his many many books.

We also share areas like area on top of mini fridge used to hold random items; area on shelving next to bed used to store whatever books we're reading now, soft toys, his graduation photo, football team photo and the area on top of his desk which holds our other random photos and knick knacks.

And that's all in the space of a small room; Amazingly, we've also been sharing the same single bed all this while with only a few mishaps (too private / embarrassing to share).

In the New Year - and with the Boyfriend's permission - it shall hopefully be reorganised. There is limited things one can do with such constricted space - but hopefully with some shelves, a new queen size bed and some rearranging, it will no longer look like a bachelor pad with a live-in girlfriend.

3. The friends have all been getting on with their lives just as I have. We all do attempt to keep the group gatherings going on with the Friday and occasional Saturday text messages; With the 50% chance that it ain't happening. I can't explain why we are somehow all earning more but are now more broke and cannot spend our money with wild abandon - oh wait, I do - it's called 'other commitments'; I do think that these 'other commitments' have been taking us away directly or indirectly from the matter at hand. Of course I envy the camaraderie that is still burning strongly among the boyfriend's friends - maybe we're at staggered positions so it's not happening to them yet - maybe, it never will because they are a group of guys who, according the Boyfriend, Need this sense of "brotherhood".

Will our sense of "familyhood" then disintegrate as the girls somehow stay behind with their boyfriends / husbands or just to do the necessary chores... will the other girls be so busy with their careers / other commitments that they just cannot deprive themselves of rest during the Fridays / weekends... will the boys every find girlfriends and then turn out (or not turn up) the same way.. Of course, that's just the paranoid me talking. But it's a valid concern and one that I alone cannot tackle.

I do like thinking that we're like a family - with such a diverse and varied mishmash of characters, backgrounds and other attributes; Of course, the commonality amongst the group is the fact that we all had to 'mature early' for whatever reason - whether by choice or circumstantial. I do think that the 'circumstantial' folk rely on one another to pull each other through - there's that sense of togetherness that I feel, we still, or at least I still require as I embark on various other stages in my life.

So how do we go about mending this patchwork of people? That can only be answered by the thoughts of actions of the collective group. And I do have faith in this bric-brack of personalities of whom, I stake as my friends.

4. The Boyfriend has been a pivotal anchor in my life. I do pamper him, he does take my shit, I do take his shit, he showers me with logic, a lot of advise and some lovin and then sometimes, we don't take each other's shit and we spar with words, with emotion with action or sometimes, inaction... and then, we're in love again.

I don't know about what other people think, and I know that we have our share of doubts even from loved ones, but we know, and cherish the fact, that we were made to take each other's shit.
Okay, not just that - but at the end of the day, when we're not driving each other up the wall, we drive each other in ways that we could not have accomplished by ourselves.

Sometimes, I say (unfairly so), that no one else would be able to be with him- but maybe, that's just my selfish way of saying, only I am suitable for you - only I am made for you and only I can be your life long partner.

In many ways, I do think that only he can do the same for me; Only he understands me - all of me, inside out, facets, layers, the whole shebang. And, I've never felt that way about anyone else.

I guess, if we were voices - he would be the voice of all things that people should hear; and I would be the voice of all things that people want to hear. And in many situations, you need an optimal mix of both - to soothe and spur, to win over and inspire, to tackle and to attack.

I really don't give him credit enough for how he's stuck by me through all my ranting and raving and emotional upheaval (hormonal or not) and I know he does appreciate me for how I work around him and how despite ALL, we know that it's not about plain companionship, status suitability, convenience of love and all that basic / societal need, but rather, a very deep-set belonging and enmeshing of our souls. (Note to self: I should put all this down in a card)

5. Work.
Work, work, work... has evolved in many ways... Dare I linger?
Sometimes, I wonder if I had cheated myself in life. That I put myself in this situation and not allowed myself to venture further. Yesterday, the Boyfriend said that I worked very hard to put myself in this situation where resources did not permit me to do so and that it was all self earned (and with a bit of luck, I might add). Sometimes, I wonder if I daren't step out of this comfort zone of mine? Kind of like, being the best of the worst (though, this ain't hardly the worst of course) Or like, being king of the jungle in the zoo versus being a small ranked lion in the great big wild forest - you know what I mean?

Either way, I'm glad that I have been on a path of Evolution - from Admin Assistant, to Events Coordinator, to Events & Marketing Manager. (Looks good on the resume too.) I've been extremely grateful that opportunities have presented themselves to me; That doors have been open when I find myself "stuck". And I have been very fortunate to be so 'comfortable'. To be able to grow... in a familiar environment. Initially, and even now, I suppose, I always thought of this place to be a training ground - so I can earn and learn new skills at a nice comfort level while also being able to focus on other facets in my life.

Excitingly enough, I am inspired to be able to veer onto a new path after 2010; It will require some planning, a lot of heart and some support wouldn't hurt. Enough of this half-baked cake, let's get on to a proper souffle.

I realise that I've embedded my desires for 2010 into my reflections because I guess they come hand in hand.

Overall, I am very appreciative of many things in this life that has allowed me to savour everyday with varied flavours; The bitter that enhanced the sweet; The tangy that boosted the spice; The sour that balanced the saccharine; The salty that brought out the underlying tastes...

So, out with the old, in the with the new; As the baton of time is passed on from 2009 to 2010, I shall remember everything I lovingly reflected today.

And did I mention - I'm going for my driving license?
All people on the road... be nice.. or beware.

;p

outletofhonestexpression 8:37 AM

Imagine this girl with a dream - it comes out of her head in little bubbles, float up into the air above her and form like a bubble cloud;
Pretty soon everything piles up and forms a HUGE cloud and the bubbles start to pop due to... erm pressure in the air - and all the liquid from the bubbles just wash her away -

i hope i don't end up that way..

outletofhonestexpression 10:20 PM

are we maturing as a couple? he asked.

I suppose we are settling into some sort of comforting routine - not in a bad way - its good to have some routine and order in life, you know? :)

Tried working out at the gym twice - so far so good - hehe
can feel the muscles aching man - yeah.

Hopefully that will fall into another routine too - and then we can achieve 5kg goal together - hehe..

i hope he's not too scared when he chances upon this - but somehow, i think he ain't a typical 'scared of routine' kindda guy.

<3<3

j

outletofhonestexpression 9:08 AM

There's this feeling of peace -
a settling feeling.

I like it. :)

I think that we're getting used to each other and staying together.

The other day, we had this silly argument (when are they not silly eh) and it was almost laughable after - how we recovered.

LOL.

Other than that, I'm trying to exercise every other day - I know that I eat a lot more with him.
It's that - I will resist anything but temptation bullshit. haha..

I also have this feeling that this year will pass very quickly -
Mid-August is just around the bend - with events earmarked through the month.

This weekend will be spent trying to be patriotic to Singapore (hurhur)
There's the wedding cake decorating shop opening on Sat 8th
I think i want to attend the Clarke Quay countdown to National Day on Sat night :)
There's the movie outing on Mon 10th
There's the mother's bday lunch/dinner on Sat 15th
There's Alex's meet up with his law alumni - not that I'm really involved. ;p on Sun 16th
There's my dad and family coming to Sg on Thu - Sat 27-29th
There's the leaving come end August
There's the taking over.. come end August
There's the praying there'll be someone new...
There's the deciding of where to get the double bed for - Arcadia or Gardens...? or both..?
There's the birthday - I think I want to do Karaoke for some strange reason... or a BBQ
There's the returning of money
There's the resitting of exams.

And beyond that - there's the Sun Festival
There's the end of year that I can probably start to breathe a little bit

Maybe I should just try to breath now - a little at a time.
And you though that was a subconcious act did ya.

outletofhonestexpression 3:40 AM

Bonjour Paris -

We took the Eurostar from London to Paris - its more expensive than flying but it brings you right to the heart of Paris, like you arrive in the freaking aorta of the country.

The train ride was peaceful - I actually dreamt about it in Amsterdam again, but that's a story for another time ;)

It was quite intriguing looking at English fields and the occasional herds of cows - which got me very excited - cows are so cute :) and they're always organised in colours. Why is that??

I fell asleep - and so did Lex and the next thing I knew, I woke up in Paris! The land of cheese and snotty people who don't like their national 'monument' - okay I'm kidding - not all of them are snotty, just one or two.

We lived in an area called Charonne - yes, you're supposed to sink your tongue in when you pronounce the RRRRrrrr. But whatever. I loved the balconies - the trees, the feel of the Parisian streets - but I tell you - the subway was even more hellish than London - I remember Corey said you take a degree to understand the London tube - then I guess for Paris, you'll need a freaking doctorate man...

As we settled in late afternoon, we set out for an early dinner and naturally had - escargots!

We went to this little french cafe that was packed with frenchies - so we assumed it was good - and yes, it was :) Mostly. Their starters were great - the escargots were just stuffed with coriander, a bit of mint and a chockful of butter (rrrr). Also ordered Foie Gras mmmmm... awesome.

The mains are not worth mentioning - but the desserts were fab - Lex had an Irish coffee - which had a layer of warm toffee, irish whiskey, coffee & cream. Sinful to the max. My dessert was a chocolate fondant which ended up looking like chocolate mousse - maybe that' the way the french do it (?) but still, it was good.

The first site we visited was the Notre Dame - its an actual running cathedral and no, I didn't see a creepy hunchback dude hanging on the bell while it tolled away. If you look closely at old catholic churches - you can see really strange things - I'd think they want to simply carve cherubic angels and saintly saints - which you do see - but you also get gargoyles and other disgusting looking creatures at their feet - are they demons? or are they the devils in us?? But it was amazing - our St Andrew's Cathedral can't beat this - not in a million french years.

We managed to enter the church even while there was a mass going on - we had to keep our volume down but photo-taking was allowed. I thought it strange to be a member of a church where you get masses of strangers walking around you while you are trying to reach out to God. Even more so for the priest - does he mind getting photographed while performing mass?

I figured that most of the people attending mass were probably tourists anyway - this is so commercialised. I wonder if the priest feels like he's a sell-out?

Inside the church were little conclaves as tributes to various saints - for 2Euros, you could light a candle as an offering - I didn't because I didn't think that God would need me to give an offering in that way. And besides, I feel blessed enough as it is. The most awe-inspiring and surprising thing in the church was this stained glass below - it was the most intricately symmetrical design and the intriguing thing about it was the splash of purples - an assault of various shades just screaming at you in a heavenly chorus. I think that was worth all the tip-toeing around an old church.. You have to see it for yourself.

The second site we went to was the Arc De Triomph - it apparently marks the victories of those who fought in the Napoleonic wars. It is colossal - don't be fooled by the optic illusion that I was holding it up. On the inner walls of the Arc, were names of the brave soldiers carved in block stencilled letters.

Being very touristy as it was still quite early on in the trip, we decided to pay 9 euros to walk up the Arc - they warned that it was 284 steps. We trooped up like brave soldiers - I kept my pace pretty well and boy were my legs toned after we reached the top..! There were people who had to stop halfway to catch their breath - it felt good climbing past them. hehe. I wondered if there were atheletes who made friends with the people who manned the ticket counter and persuaded them to give free entry in the name of health...?

(Doesn't it look escargot inspired?)

I made it! And they were thoughtful enough to place a bench at the top of the stairway so you have a comfy cushion to collapse onto instead of a dusty stone floor.

But the view was worth every euro and every step we had to pay/take. You got to see Paris from the top. I felt like I was on that white plastic thing in the middle of pizzas that hold it together and looking down around the pizza and its even slices - Paris was sliced up in front of me like a freaking pizza! Look at that - a slice of Paris... gosh.

And that's the big chunk of meat on the Paris Pizza - the eiffel tower. Which we never went to - we admired it from afar like a shy boy eyeing a cheerleader - knowing that its no point getting close to it because we wouldn't achieve anything. But what do I know?

The third site we visited was Montmarte - but we got lost finding it and we walked up and down and around and through streets that led us in circle before finally realising we WERE ALREADY in Montmarte. Its an hilly area - that is well known for being home to french artists and it leads to the Moulin Rouge - which we also didn't visit. ;p

We wanted to sit here and enjoy the view but the seats were all taken up, no wonder why.

Creep art found on walls.

Oh yes - when we had lunch at a cafe slightly away from Notre Dame, this friendly waitress told us where to eat around Montmarte, so we seemingly traipsed around at first but then got lost and had a frustrating time looking for it but we found it in the end, 15 mins before they opened.

So in the meantime, we had 2 pints of beer. Drank really fast coz we were hungry. The restaurant was called the Leaning Tower of Pisa, served excellent pizza and pasta - their Spaghetti Bolognaise was simple but simply delicious! Their pizza (below) was just doused with fresh egg, lots of meat and cheese and fresh onion. We were so glad we didn't give up looking for it :) They also served a welcome drink of a Sangria of sorts - I remember getting promptly drunk on the drinks and good food and had to hold to Alex while we found our way back to the tube and back to Charonne.

The last site we visited was the Palace of Versailles. Where a lot of important doctrines were signed and royal visitors welcomed by french government. We had to take an hour long sweaty train ride and pretend to be occupants of a hotel and ask the concierge for directions.

BUT IT WAS CLOSED - as it was a Monday.

Fortunately though, the gardens were opened so we wandered around the gardens where royalty once used as their playground and showed it off to guests from faraway lands (like Singapore) :)

Is this golden gate really made of gold..?

I imagined large stencils constructed for the purpose of creating this patten in the grass...

But fact - I did see how they pruned the trees and bushes and the used this 45degree slanted angular plate to help them ensure that the tree was a perfectly inverted cone shape. Ingenious tools of the trade.

The palace - closed on Mondays :/

The personal view of French Royalty...

The Royal Goblet fit for a king.. a giant king that is... :)

We walked through the gardens and it was huge - I think we only covered a third of it before we headed back. But it was good excercise - but I think I might have gotten a tad burnt from the sun.

And that concludes our Parisian trip. :)

outletofhonestexpression 3:03 PM

I think that a three week trip definitely deserves a good, proper post.

Something I haven't been doing in a while.

So the itinerary was:

26th June -
Landed in London via AirAsia ("transit" at KL) - 2 nights in Generator Hostel
Took Eurostar to Paris - 3 nights in Hotel Belfort
Flew to Barcelona's Girona airport via Easyjet - 3 nights in Sylvia's Guest House
Flew to Madrid via some portugal airline - 2 nights in Hostal San Martin
Flew to Porto via Ryanair - 2 nights in Hotel Residencia Pedro Antiga
Took a train to Lisboa - 2 nights in Kitsch Hotel
Flew to Amsterdam via Ryanair (i think) - 2 nights in Hortus Hotel
Flew to Bristol via Easyjet - 3 nights in Jolyn's apartment
Took a bus to London (last minute decision) - 1 night in Killiney Hotel
Flew back to Singapore via AirAsia ("transit" at KL again)
Back on 19th July

Each night's stay was between 25 - 30 euros per person;
My overall AirAsia flight was $1250
so you do the math - I estimate that I spent about $4300 in total for transport, accom & expenses.

My overall experience for the trip was somewhat harried and tiring but there were the amazing moments and there was time to relax a little and just SO much eating and at the same time so much walking. We also had to deal with maps a lot - and then realised the greatness that is of the googlemap :)

Just to give my own commentary on the airlines that I took:-

AirAsia was actually not Too bad - I suppose it wasn't that bad a decision for me since the flight was full. My complaint coming up was that they were an hour late - and they packed us into the plane when the airconditioning wasn't on so I perspired before taking a 13 hour flight - not exactly the most attractive of thoughts. But I survived.

The initial trip to KL was uber short - I fell asleep and woke up just before we landed;
At the KL LCCT (Low Cost Carrier Terminal - nicer sounding than Budget Terminal but that's where all advantages end) - I was rather harried because I had to claim baggage, go through customs and check in again. Customs took approx 35 mins, looking for the check in counter took another 10 mins, going through security and then checking in again took me another 20 mins so all in all approx 1 hr to check out and in again. KL LCCT doesn't have a transit terminal you see - hence, you have to arrange for your own transit flights. Fortunately, flying up, I had 2.5 hrs in between flights - however, when I relooked my 'travel file' and checked my fight times coming back home, I realised I only had 50 mins in between my London-KL flight and my KL-Singapore flight. I couldn't NOT make it to Singapore because I had to work the next day!! When I went to the sales counter in the LCCT, there was such a long snaky queue, I ended up making a mental note to change flights when I got to an internet access during my trip.

Ryanair - an Irish budget airline, complete with Irish voiceover welcoming you aboard the flight and a hilarious announcement that plays when you land, with trumpets and the same irish voice informing you that you have landed on time.

"DA DA DA DA! You have landed on time!
Ryanair arrives on time on 97% of all flights. Thank you..."

It didn't play the second time we took the flight however, we were 5 mins late. :) amusing.

I can't comment on the service but the checking in and all that seem quite smooth; We didn't order anything during the flight, being the cheapo tourists that we are. I can't recall if the landings were smooth or.. but I think it was relatively comfortable. I found out later that Ryanair had a notorious reputation for being unreliable and for having bad service. I suppose, in this downturn, they are trying to redeem themselves...

But remember this - DO NOT TAKE EASYJET. I repeat - DO NOT take Easyjet - it doesn't make your life Easy at all - at fucking all.

If they had an announcement it would be this:

"DA DA DA DA! Easyjet is late again, this is due to the fact that we are a disorganised bunch with absolutely no consideration for our customer's time schedule and feelings as well. Thank you for taking Easyjet, you suckers!!"

And it was true on both occasions - the queues at the airport - I rmb the incredibly snaking queue at Paris's airport going to Girona, insanely LONG and we had to battle queue cutters, confusing turns, everchanging queue lines and staff that were so stressed up themselves. 1 over hour we queued - and the flight was still late! and this caused us to RUSH like mad to our Barcelona accomodation and Lex got pickpocketed in the process. So it was a bad chain reaction...

In Amsterdam going back to Bristol, we realised that the flight was LATE by 1 over hour again - we spent an hour watching SATC at a random bench before sitting anxiously at the departure gates praying the screen will display the departing gate number. And it came another half hour later! Incredulous!

Fortunately, we ate some Beef Brisket Noodles and Roast Duck at a great cantonese restaurant "Mayflower" before we headed to Jolyn's apartment. So that soothed our furrowed brows and stomachs. Hehe.

LONDON:

London was where it all started and ended for me - Landed in Stansted airport at midnight (my AirAsia flight was a lil early even though it took off late), getting to see Lex in 3D again, after so longgggg.... I felt giddy - and then I felt COLD - it was fucking freezing for ME! and I was only decked in a thin long sleeve sweater, short denim skirt and black leggings. We took the bus and arrived at Victoria Station after 40 mins. From there we took a short cab ride to Generator Hostel. We had to go via a dinghy cobblestoned alley (every damn street is cobblestoned la) - made me think of Jack the Ripper - and for a moment I feared his ghost finding me and thinking I was some Asian whore (on a 50% discount) and cut me up, there. eew.

The hostel rooms looked like funky prisons with large block lettering on the doors - we were in room 308. It was small and squarish - but it had a mirror with a small table, a place to hang coats/jackets, a small sink and a twin bunk bed. Lex shifted the top mattress down to the floor so that it would be less claustrophobic for us to share the bed. He was also sweet enough to da pao Beef Brisket noodles and Roasted Duck (leftovers from his dinner with Corey 5 hrs before) but cold food never tasted so good :) The bathrooms were common baths but were separated into male and female bathrooms. It felt very public and I had to deal with the fact that there were not hooks / small shelf in the bath cubicle for me to put my toiletries on or hang my towel & clothing. I had to grimace and place my toiletries on the very public floor.

We awoke very early the next day - had an 'English Breakfast' - the actual meal, not the tea, at an Italian eatery (surprise surprise). But it was good fuel for the day as we bought a day pass for the tube and ventured to Hyde Park -

Hyde park was acres of greenery, flowers, space for people to relax, play soccer and they had a lake called Serpentine and a funky eater next to it by the same name. But I only used the toilet there, we didn't have a chance to sit and eat/drink. Suddenly had to crap when we were taking photos under this odd big tree which had its leaves and branches falling over to form a cave like space - it was damn cool - and very Enid Blyton :)

After that we walked to Knightsbridge (only one tube stop away apparently) - and visited the kingdom of Dodi Al-fayed - Harrod's. Walking through the branded clothes, sophisticated games and toys and then the fabulous food hall (freshly shucked oysters, foie gras terrine, fresh pate for your immediate enjoyment accompanied by champagne - but I didn't have any of those, I just dropped my jaw at the amazing presentation of the produce).

We then 5 stops away to Chinatown (??) in Bayswater and had a pint of John Smiths before meeting Corey. We ate at Gold Mine - another awesome Cantonese Restaurant and had Roasted Duck, Roasted Pork, Hot & Sour Soup, Kailan and plain rice. Amazing..

Lex got restless during lunch because it was about the time when he would be receiving his final year results through his email. After lunch, we crossed over to an internet cafe on the other side of the street. There was an Indian aunty running the shop which was like a mini mart in the front half and an internet shop at the back. She was a joke - kept interjecting with serious warnings about how we couldn't drink in the shop, coz we were carrying a btl of Lemon Tea, how we shouldn't bang the computers because Alex threw an airpunch with a loud resounding YES when he got his results - even when we told her he didn't hit the computer, she insisted that "he was going to". Who put her there?? God..

But hey, at least Lex was happy - and Corey was genuinely happy to be able to share his joy and relief :) We had another celebratory pint of John Smiths. Cheers!

We went back to rest in hostel for the rest of the afternoon and then got ready to go for a musical - WICKED at Victoria Station. The musical was kindda wicked - it was an alternate tale to the Wizard of Oz - a twisted version where the Wicked Witch of the West was actually good, the Wizard of Oz is actually bad and the Good Witch of the East was a bimbo. It was more entertaining and funny than anything else - the songs were not very classic but there were some good ones.. I thought the acting was great - especially the bimbo witch.. :) she was hilarious.

That concluded the best bits of London and the beginning of my trip :)

More coming up!!

xoxo miss j

outletofhonestexpression 2:37 PM

outletofhonestexpression 5:32 AM

I'm confused by the system in UNISim, somehow, I'm being 'made' to resit the papers that I withdrew/failed from last semester.

My only way out now is to (instead of groveling and shifting my feet around) to self study and retake the fucking exam papers.

And now, movements are taking place in the office - Not only do I have to take on new responsibilities, I worry about who will take on my "old responsibilities".

No doubt I will want to be implementing new changes to the way things work in the office - I hope they work.. *cross fings*

My mind is constantly swiveling with ideas and things I want to do - my brain is just surging with things I need to do -
Little reminders here, little reminders there...

Will I make it through the next half of this year?

2009 - I won't forget you.

outletofhonestexpression 3:08 AM

outletofhonestexpression 1:25 AM

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go...

heh. couldn't resist.

Surprisingly I managed to squeeze most things into my small size luggage.

Will only be carrying essentials and some light stuff with me as hand carry.

I'm so paranoid - that something could go wrong - thinking of how to hide my money so i won't get pick pocketed, thinking of how to hide money so that when i get robbed, i technically won't be cleaned out, thinking of how to dress so that I look nice but don't look like I should be targeted for a robbery. And then there's the plane.. woah my god.

I'll let you know how Air Asia went - let's see if my $1.1 was worth it mannnn

wokay - its really late now. i should get some rest... gdnite world.

outletofhonestexpression 4:13 AM

been caught in a limbo for too long.

half a year to be exact

the kind where you're too tired to do something constructive yet too restless to sleep.

Hopefully Europe will have me rewound.

I was actually hoping for a change of scenery, I thought that it would do me good.

But seeing as the situation is so jia lat. I'll have to settle for Singapore.

I'm too young to be jaded.

Or on the other hand, maybe I'm just not ready to settle into adulthood

(you're 3 years too late! - I know I know I know)

Duty beckons and conscienceness weighs down on me.

I have to do something with my life. Its the only moral / ethical thing to do.

If you had no worldly obligations or limitations, what would you want to be?

I would want to be a model / actress / singer because then I would be appreciated for my beauty, talent and personality - which will eventually turn into power that I will wield for the good of mankind.

omg- I just realised that's such a beauty queen answer.

but I mean it.

outletofhonestexpression 2:46 AM

i miss him.

i miss us.

tired of us being apart.

outletofhonestexpression 2:33 AM

I want to lie low for a bit - to concentrate on myself for a bit.

Because I have to. Because I need to.

This year has not been my best - but heck, let's not blame it on the year; I've not been at my best.

But at least bits of that still shine through now and then. So all is really not lost.

I screwed up my semester; I've been a blank at work, dragging my feet to work (or rather to the cab that I take to work because I just cannot be bothered to wake up any earlier for it). I've not been able to give extra support to the boyfriend and all for what.. all for nought; all for half fucked attempts which come to zilch; well almost.

At least, I'm rethinking myself now and not gone over the edge; Thinking of the chinese saying where you pull back a horse just in time before they gallop over the edge of a cliff.

Yeah, I was that horse.

But I was pulled back by... my boyfriend, my body's instinctive reflex to survive, my spirit refusing to die out and my conscience of responsibility.

Story of my life..

I guess I'm not going to say that I never have regrets anymore because I really did regret not studying hard enough for my exam; not thinking ahead for work and not looking out for my loved one. But I've gone past that and decided to say that I won't let my regrets get the better of me anymore - key word being 'anymore'.

The first half of the year is coming to an end ; I told myself and almost everybody else that my first half of the year was literally chock-a-block filled up and if there were to be any other events / things, it would have to be in the 2nd half of the year.

I am looking forward to it - I see... us spending more time together (a lot a lot a lot more..) ; I see progress in work; I see myself being more diligent in school and with money;

I see... Joline coming back.

On another note; I'm just really happy everything went well for Ali on her special day;

A lot things that were supposed to happen may not have happened but one can only do what they set out to do, hope for the best and watch everything fall into place.

Lex says that he will hire me as the wedding planner for our wedding;

I still find that very hilarious - I will charge extra just because - but I'm still undecided about the entire comb of shark's fin in the shark's fin soup -

the wedding gown from Paris though - I think I will need 3 fittings for it at least...

wahahaha

outletofhonestexpression 1:24 AM

i'm guessing its when i tried keeping spirits up when bubbles were burst.

but now, there are no more bubbles left to be burst.

i just - want to run away.

outletofhonestexpression 11:10 PM

I feel in all essence of the word - tragic.

just. tragic.

outletofhonestexpression 11:08 PM

static . space. shams. swayed.

how can i make you see how i feel?

how can i make you feel how i feel?

how can i understand how I feel.

god...

outletofhonestexpression 12:04 AM

I'm very unmotivated right now -

but I found my IC and my Student ID - just in time for my exam... so I guess

All is not lost...

I just want to abandon all ambition and just be a bum.. just because.

okay, back to finance.

outletofhonestexpression 6:45 PM

i miss being able to write what I feel -

I used to be write depressing melancholy pieces that took on a cloak of positive pretense.

Now, I'm just all fuddled, muddled, duddled.

and swuddled. lullddled. kruddled.

i.e. nonsensical.

ah hambug

I guess I've really degenerated now. have i.

Its like trying to reach someone and getting annoyed at why you can't reach them and then realising its because they don't exist anymore. Or they've changed numbers and just don't want to talk to you.

*ramble* *ramble* *ramble*

outletofhonestexpression 3:07 AM

Its hard to sum up nothingness.

Because the sum of nothing is, just that - nothing at all.

On a pragmatic point of view - I have a few things on my mind:

- My finance exam on May 19th

- The sales calls I have to make ... sooner or later

- Alicia's wedding

- 5 kg

- messy room

- phootshoot

- my attitude towards life

I just feel like running away again, from all this shit.

What shit you ask me?

The kind where you're stuck between wanting to go where you could have gone and being unable to go back to where you were left behind.

I don't know what I'm talking about - nvm goodnight world.

goodnight.

outletofhonestexpression 3:02 AM

I honestly think - I have

degenerated.

and that my life is just whizzing me by.

it's all the internet's fault.

*pout*

outletofhonestexpression 2:51 AM

You cannot quit me so quickly
There's no hope in you for me
No corner you could squeeze me
But I got all the time for you love

The space between
The tears we cry...
Is the laughter that keeps us coming back for more
The space between...
The wicked lies we tell and hope to keep safe from the pain

But will I hold you again

These fickle fuddled words confuse me
Like will it rain today
We waste the hours with talking, talking
These twisted games we’re playing

We’re strange allies
With warring hearts
What a wild eyed beast you be

The space between
The wicked lies we tell and hope to keep safe from the pain

But will I hold you again
Will I hold

Look at us spinning out in the madness of a roller coaster
You know you went off like the devil in the church
In the middle of a crowded room
All we can do my love
Is hope we don’t take this ship down

The space between
Where you smile and hide
Is where you’ll find me if I get to go

The space between
The bullets in our fire fight
Is where I’ll be hiding waiting for you
The rain that falls
Splashed in your heart
Ran like sadness down the window into your room

The space between
our wicked lies is
Where we hope to keep safe from pain

Take my hand
Cause we’re walking out of here
Right out of here
Love is all we need dear

The space between
What’s wrong and right
Is where you’ll find me hiding
Waiting for you

The space between
In your heart and mine
Is the space we’ll fill with time

The space between

outletofhonestexpression 10:22 PM

this is so cute - got it from the pinkdot website

pinkdot is an LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) event where it is a declaration of love...

find out more here: http://pinkdotsg.blogspot.com/

outletofhonestexpression 2:17 AM

We are in a dangerously exciting age - an age where a group of women can oust out another bunch of women and then get voted out again by another 2000 women and men who stand up and speak up.

It is exciting because people are seemingly coming together for a cause - a cause for diversity and fairness.

It is dangerous because of the fact that we are in an age of diversity - where diversity demands to be the rule of the day. The problem with that is that many people don't really understand diversity and what else it will demand from them. In that sense, how then can one be fair to all?

Accepting people with other beliefs and practices may - and its a big may- may even result in one having to compromise on their own beliefs and practices eventually.

I think its funny that I know someone who attended the meeting to vote out the new guards but will also click her tongue in disapproval once she reads TODAY's article about how the group, with the old guard, had their sex education programme teaching children that

anal sex can be done in a safe and comfortable way with the use of condoms, and how homosexuality is natural.

My question is - what then?

How should sex education be presented to such a diverse group of up and coming youths who are confused and more importantly, curious? How can this be done in a fair way?

Do we split the groups up based on what the parents / religious leaders want them to hear?

"No to Anal" group this way, "Yes to Anal" group, you guys go to the back?

"Take your chastity vows here", "don't be a prude, sex is beautiful, take your condoms here"?

"life is precious - so keep the baby if you screw up" right this way to the single mom's forum, and the "life is precious - so get rid of the baby so you won't screw up your life and your potential baby's" come this way here to the stirrups?

Where does the filtering end..?

On the other extreme - sex education can be - well simply educational.

By avoiding all the moral bits and explaining the bare concrete facts -

A basic guide could cover the following:

1. Knowing Your Body-

So they understand that you don't fuck a girl in her pee hole - and that you can't have a baby by swapping saliva.

2. Understanding Sex-

So that they know its the most natural thing in the world -that its a beautiful process that creates beautiful children like themselves - and that they will get horny sooner or later...

3. The Dangers of Sex-

STDs, babies, the after-sex cuddle conflict. Enough said.

4. How to protect yourself-

Condoms... Contraception... seeing a Gynea.. family-planning clinics ... or just by saying "No.. I got headache la..".

5. Where do we go from here... -

This would be where they can try to cover how one might approach the moral aspects of sex and responsibility - they could encourage kids to speak with their parents, speak with a counsellor or call a hotline if they want any clarification (factual clarification of course). Just don't call the other kind of hot line...

Because ultimately, we cannot tell people what to do - nonetheless, kids - they will just do it anyway. So we have to treat them like adults, tell them as it is, give them knowledge and tools to be able to start thinking for themselves.

Kids are like a stark white canvas who get tainted by what goes on around them. Splashes of the environment, their parent's behaviour, peer talk and random incidents colour them. Having said that, if you leave a kid to think about it - they may or may not decide that sex is sacred -they may or may not decide that they are gay, they may or may not decide that 'what's the big deal? I'm more interested in books (hur2) - but the point is that they can THINK about it now, armed with correct facts. And not jump into things blindly, naively, excitedly or sometimes cynically.

I actually know a guy who is saving himself for marriage - he told me that it just seemed like the natural thing to do - this is a guy who hangs out with other guys who do not exude the same beliefs whatsoever, in fact they exude the opposite belief where life is short, so erm, enjoy yourself. I also know many people who have similarly, obviously gone beyond that stage and hence, can't achieve that 'noble' act anymore

So who are we to judge our kids? Let them know what it is and let them decide what it is to them?

I'd say, that's a fair opportunity.

outletofhonestexpression 1:31 AM

why is the only running away I do... from reality?

what happened to truth hurting but it is the only thing that well, holds true?

why can't i just grit my teeth and see through it all?

i wish i had a shrink.

or just someone to talk to.

outletofhonestexpression 11:45 PM

bare.ly. there.

outletofhonestexpression 11:43 PM

So Hong Kong was good and I mean, it was delightfully rapturously enticingly good. yeah.

quite good it was.

The city is BUSTLING and ripping apart at the seams with people, especially kwai los' but that's whats happening about it. They have beautiful bars, restaurants, buildings and at least one restaurant employ cute bartenders who ask you whether you're over 18 yet. hehehe...

The boutique hotel I stayed in was cosy and pretty - a lot of attention to detail yes.

I will put up pictures in a bit and maybe it will be easier to tell you my HK story. heh

lets go away for a weekend trip to Hong Kong boys and girls!

outletofhonestexpression 11:35 PM

When all's been said and done.

What's really been said?

What's really been done?

outletofhonestexpression 11:29 PM

Philosophical Physics:

Newton's Law of Motion

1. Every body perseveres in its state of being at rest or of moving uniformly straight forward, except insofar as it is compelled to change its state by force impressed.

following the norm

2. The change of momentum of a body is proportional to the impulse impressed on the body, and happens along the straight line on which that impulse is impressed.

motivation

3. For a force there is always an equal and opposite reaction: or the forces of two bodies on each other are always equal and are directed in opposite directions.

emotions

outletofhonestexpression 1:31 AM

The HK contact was so mean! When I told him I'm taking Jetstar - he replied to say - "Good Luck on Jetstar Scarelines"..

grr..

If I die tomorrow - will this post live on forever..?

look for the post where I talked about the lady hostage who was killed in India..

I placed a nice quote there - let that be my epitaph.

<3 j

outletofhonestexpression 1:56 PM

Excellent, so I can post to my blog from work now because I found the actual email address to my post - originally thought it was something else.

We'll see.

****

warning - rambling ahead -

(only people who care will read it - and realise that this is how my brain works)

I had a few revelations in the bath earlier, I always have revelations in the bath to be honest.

Its a very spiritual, cleansing of the body and mind - reflecting about the days ins and outs, recollecting and the occasional kicking myself for thinking of a comeback that was well, too late because it wasn't thought of when needed - yeah. I always think of good comebacks to conversations when I'm in the bath. I guess, this proves I'm not a bad conversationalist and that I am funny - you just need to wait a bit or, talk to me when I'm in the bath.

Back to my revelations - which I am actually putting off writing because:-

1. Who likes to have their insecurities revealed?

2. I always feel guilty when I talk about myself too much - but this is my blog what (and then I justify it...)

3. Okay, this was a sneaky way of putting it off.

and now that I've lingered too long away from it, it will seem so silly now because I've created too much suspense...

Well -

Revelation #1: I'm an escape artist - an escapist - what have you - I've taken to escaping very well

Revelation #2: I can't remember what it was - fuck. But. I will elaborate on #1 and then let's see if #2 comes back to mind.

So in relation with being an escape artist - one of my valued tools is having a selective memory - say - what I was supposed to say again? Oh. Right.

Selective memory - I swear, I can mentally block things from my mind - either intentionally or unintentionally - I've mentioned before that this was a way to move on for me -

Similar to how, when you want to do something or be something, if you pretend to be able to do it long enough, you will soon find yourself actually having the ability eventually - unless someone blows your cover, which means that you didn't pretend hard enough.

For me, one of things I pretend to have is confidence -

the unfortunate thing for my method of faking till you have it is that... sometimes you betray yourself-

You know that you aren't the real deal and so - it eats you from inside until you can't take it anymore. Its not as dramatic as it sounds - but I guess, I just can't care about being social.

Yes the attractions lies in being able to talk to anyone and going to places and always being able to find a familiar face. But I seriously, ultimately, can't give 2 flying fucks.

But in life, you have to - make the connections and all that.

I find it easier to do this for work - because I have to - but out of the required mode, I just fail terrible. I take an awful long time to warm up but I'm sure friends can attest to me as a friend who will try her best to be there for you.

Okay, back to escape artist -

The other thing I realised today is that I enjoy work more than I enjoy studying - I mean, of course, there are conditions required - that I am actually doing constructive work and that I am given opportunity and time to do so.

I get depressed whenever my boss is not around/contactable - I feel like I have no role model or motivation - but thankfully, she's been around of late and implemented this Monday Marketing Meeting where we have 1 - 2 hrs of being able to discuss events and opportunities with her. The reason why I love interacting with her is because she gives credit where credit is due and I know that she truly values me - she gives me the stick when I give her shit but she also knows how to reward when I've done a good job. I like to think of the upcoming HK trip as a small reward in itself ;) I'm only mentioning it now - hate to play it up in case I jinx it.

Ah yes, I remember revelation #2 now - its sad really - almost as sad as revelation #1 -

and it is - that my life revolves around guilt - around feeling guilty and thinking about how other people deal with guilt.

The most recent occurrence was yesterday when I didn't go swimming - it was really silly.

My aunt told me that she wasn't keen because she's damn paranoid that if she doesn't go with me, the club won't let me in (and what... bar me for life? put my picture up next to Mas Selamat with "No Enter" underneath in red text?)

I was damn sian and just shuffled past her to the bathroom to wash up - and then shuffled past her again to my bedroom to lock myself up and consider jogging alone. She knocked on the door very timidly and realising the power of guilt I had over her, I ignored her quiet knocks until she called out for me in a strained voice - and I just shouted 'what..?'. I didn't realise how hugely she was persuaded until she said, "I'll give you the locker key.." (the key to the swimming pool locker). Without even thinking, I said, "Its okay, I dont' want to go anymore..." and I fed her guilt like crazy - the feeling of 'feeling bad' and then, I was enveloped by the feeling of 'feeling bad' too. and I hated myself.

The other occurrence was on Saturday night - it wasn't the same kind of situation at all - it was an argument between lex and I - about how I was being a depressed twit and he had to suck it up even though he was equally depressed, plus he had a lot of work to do.

I was unusually less argumentative and he said something along the lines of "you keep quiet coz you know you are in the wrong and you feel guilty" and I... kept quiet and just kept apologising. Apologise for what? I didn't know myself until I thought of a comeback (yes, in the bath) now the comeback was thought off only a few days later - but it was because I continued being in slightly depressed-self-destructive mode but on like a mild level - to elaborate, I was "okay" and proceeded to wiki-spree and finish the entire season of Belle de jour on his megavideo account and slept late, thought of him before finally being able to dose off.

This only happens when he's away -

so my comeback - though not really meant to be an in your face comeback - more like a gentle, vulnerable reply is -

that yes, I am guilty - I feel guilty because

a) yes, I miss you like ker-ay-zee

b) and I feel guilty for moping because I know I shouldn't be feeling this way (ideally) and I shouldn't have dissed your "spiel" of positive talk - I should be rejoicing in your positivy

but sadly, last of all

c) I couldn't deal with the fact that I couldn't stand being alone - and I felt that it was not fair to have you deal with it either. and this is actually a separate reason from missing him - its a separate issue of just having to deal with being by myself

So that was a part of the reason.. and I couldn't tell anyone - because everyone has their own shit - and I can therefore only turn to him but then, at the same time I couldn't, also because I hadn't expressed the thought in my head yet.

So that was it - that was all that was playing on my mind in the background like a subliminal message but I couldn't put my finger on it.

Sometimes, I think my mind is like a warbled speaker - all the thoughts come out blurry and undistinguishable - but I sort of get the message but need some time to process it through.. a translator of sorts - the translator being time...

to put a happy end to this - I'm snapping out of the mild-depressive-destructive state now - will go to sleep also because I have a headache and - wear a nice dress tomorrow because I have a meeting with boss and potential client *cross fings*!

and get a mani pedi so I will have perfect nails for HK - haha silly I know. but why have ugly chipped nails to get you down when you're in a foreign land?

gdnite world.

outletofhonestexpression 3:38 AM

test post via email - if this works - then it means, yay, i can post from work now..!

no more hidden thoughts and mullings of the mind...

Importing contacts has never been easier.
Bring your friends over to Yahoo! Mail today!

outletofhonestexpression 3:37 AM

Got a nice compliment today from a client - she's quite 'scary' like on the phone and physically coz she's bargains you down like mad, wants everything her way, my mgr said she looks like a man and she's built like one - very stout-ish.

And I've been doing whatever I can for her and all that...

Today she complimented me for being 'patient' and that she's really impressed with me especially since I'm a young person.

Well, I'm not getting any younger man..

and she should see how impatient I can get.

Yes I'm wondering why I reserve most of my patience for clients.

everything's relative.

bah.

i didn't swim today

and i'm becoming very random.

bur

patience is a virtue

outletofhonestexpression 8:24 PM

This is N.E.R.D's "You Know What"

The two CDs I've listened to the most are Jamie Cullum's "Twenty Something" and N.E.R.D.'s "Fly or Die". Both of them are irreperably scratched and listened out. Thankfuly we now have iTunes in this digital age. However, the magic of listening to CDs during those years were that one was less selective of how they were listening to music. An album is an art in itself, the arrangement of tracks, the selection of songs and the entirety of the album are now... sadly dissolving in time. Now people search up tracks and listen to them independently and create their own unique mix of personal mish mash.

But fortunately, from 2003 onwards (Polytechnic / start of Coriander days), I had the company of Jamie and N.E.R.D. to act as the soundtrack of my life in its turnarounds.

Funnily I note that some common traits of Jamie and N.E.R.D are:

- both their albums was about coming of age in different ways (Jamie was well about twenty something ; N.E.R.D was more about adolescents)
- both were different sounds, Jamie was remixing Jazz, funking it up a notch, N.E.R.D are well, a sound in their own right.
- both of them were fantastic albums

Also, performance wise, they're both crazy and engage the audience.

When I had the fortune of joining Trisha for a Jamie Cullum concert a few yrs back, he was jumping off the piano and even fell in his attempt. Some might say its disrespect for the instrument but it was his way of saying that the musician's take control and of course he had his own way of engaging the audience, acting like a choir master, instructing each third of the audience to sing different notes and then made everyone sing their notes together in thrilling harmony and in accompaniment to his song.

And then last night, I had the amazing opportunity to catch N.E.R.D after 6 freaking years...
N.E.R.D never fails to impress. After I was enthralled by their album back then and then being a very underground fan only found out later when I saw Pharrell in Britney's "Slave 4U", that N.E.R.D had produced so many many hits.

I'll let the following article explain it better:

Heard that absurdly catchy, slyly raunchy pop song on the radio recently? You know, the one about the milkshake that's better than yours?

Or about being a "slave 4 U"? The song about getting so hot you want to take your clothes off? Or perhaps the one that promises to have you naked by the end?

You're probably listening to a song by Pharrell Williams and Chad Hugo, the US music producers collectively known as the Neptunes.

I say "probably" because a survey in August last year found the Neptunes produced almost 20 per cent of songs played on British radio. A similar survey in the US had them at 43 per cent.

It's not unusual for them to have five hits a week in the Billboard Top 100 charts, and they have to stagger the release of their singles. "Otherwise," Williams modestly told The New York Times, "the airwaves could be in gridlock."

Williams's and Hugo's stuttering digital syncopations don't just get airplay - they've changed the sound of pop.

What's more, they effortlessly straddle genres - black hip-hop and white rock, edgy R&B and mainstream Video Hits fodder.

When the Neptunes were named Producers of the Year at the 2004 Grammy Awards, eight songs were cited in the nomination.

But how long can their reign last? A year ago, Hugo and Williams were just two successful studio boffins. Now they're teetering on the edge of over-exposure.

Williams pops up everywhere - award ceremonies, in glossy magazine spreads and on other people's albums. He attracts crowds of screaming groupies and tours in a bus with an enormous picture of himself on the side.

Even Hugo, a retiring husband and father, is recognised in the streets of Europe.

Williams and Hugo grew up in suburban Virginia Beach, a comfortable mixed-race city in the southern US state of Virginia.

Now both 30, they met when they were 12 at a summer camp for musicians. Williams was a drummer; Hugo played tenor saxophone.

"Have you seen that movie School of Rock? Hugo recalled recently. "That was us, except we played jazz standards."

In 1992, producer Teddy Riley, who'd revolutionised R&B with his hard-edged "new jack swing" sound, spotted a band called the Neptunes in a talent show at a high school.

Conveniently, Riley's studio was next to the school. Williams and Hugo soon had a record deal.

While still in school, they wrote the hit Rump Shaker for Riley's band Wreckx-n-Effect, and later produced tracks for another group, BlackStreet.

Striking out on their own in the late '90s, they unleashed rapper Noreaga's SuperThug onto an unsuspecting public.

Hip-hop in 1998 meant booming bass, heavy kick-drums and instrumental samples. The Neptunes' sound, however, was driven by pockets of dead silence interspersed with jolting, mechanical drum loops, and sometimes no bass. "We do skeleton songs," says Williams.

Williams usually writes lyrics and sketches a soaring hook over a few chords. He sends it to Hugo, who fills the spaces between beats with little synthesised bleeps, keyboard chord progressions and heavy-breathing sound effects reminiscent of prank phone calls.

The effect is crisp and anodyne yet slightly askew - a detuned note here, a slightly off-beat accent there.

For Esquire magazine's Neil Strauss, it's "not the messy kitchen sink of postmodernism but the sparkling, clean chrome kitchen of hip-hop futurism".

And it produced hits - first in a trickle, then a flood. Hip-hop came first, like Got Your Money by Ol' Dirty Bastard (featuring Kelis of Milkshake fame), Nelly's Hot in Herre, Shake Ya Ass by Mystikal, Jay-Z's Give It To Me (I Just Wanna Love You) and Beautiful by Snoop Dogg.

The Neptunes also worked their magic on pop and rock tracks like Britney Spears's Boys and I'm A Slave 4 U, No Doubt's Hella Good and Pharrell's solo effort Frontin'.

By the time they remixed the Rolling Stones's Sympathy for the Devil, the Neptunes could do no wrong. They started their own record label, Star Trak, and are rumoured to command $US150,000 a song.

Along with school friend Shay Haley, Hugo and Williams also started a genre-bending rock band, NERD.

It stands for Nobody Ever Really Dies, but the Neptunes are often championed as proponents of "New Geek Chic" - witty and articulate black nerds eschewing hip-hop stereotypes for science fiction and rock'n'roll.

Vibe magazine dubbed them "Mad Scientists", along with fellow producers and Virginia Beach natives Missy Elliott and Timbaland.

And a 2003 cover story in hip-hop magazine The Source painted Williams as Captain Kirk to Hugo's methodical Spock.

Hugo is uneasy with the Spock tag. "I wouldn't say I'm as rigid as Spock," he said last year. "I'm a musician, and for that, you need feel."

Williams explains the difference between the two outfits as "Neptunes is what we do and NERD is what we are".

and throughout the years, their reign still holds strong and their new album Seeing Sounds is still amazing. How he gets releases catchy hooks is really an art form.

So yes, No One Every Really Dies.

outletofhonestexpression 4:11 PM

Today was another surprisingly peaceful day.

I managed to leave work on time and was only late for class by 10 mins.
Though the finance lecturer sounded like he was speaking in a foreign tongue for the first 20 mins, but soon enough (after a part of brain thawed and reworked its frequency) I managed to recall the meaning of terms like equity, ROI, ratios, what r stood for, net working capital... and the works.

As a bonus, my lecturer, who I find very endearingly sincere in sharing his knowledge, made an analogy about obstacles. It was in line with his sideline info on how accounting practices were going through a major revamp but the revamp has recently been scrapped because part of the revamp caused the economic crisis. He expressed shame in their decision, going on to say how they shouldn't regress when faced with an obstacle but instead, use the obstacle in front of them to progress to the next level.

I was pleasantly surprised with the sudden philosophical anecdote.

The bus ride back home was uneventful but very comfortable even though I had to stand for most part of the journey.
Strangely, the area where I was standing was very dim because the lights in that area were out. The dim and cold atmosphere really made me feel really relaxed and I had the company of Jamie Cullum's boyish crooning to add on to the atmosphere.

It felt really surreal and I started thinking about how much time I had been spending by myself.

For the longest time, it seemed as if Alex only belonged behind a mac screen and was never transporting himself to me.
And I think a part of me having had to be contented with this long distance arrangement was well, contented but at the same time yearning for that person that I feel every damn connection with except the physical one.

But that will all change next Wed. and I can't wait... I can't fucking wait...

To further improve my day, I also trimmed my fringe and painted my finger nails AND toe nails. randomly plucked two btls of nailpolish from my stash and ended up having blue toes and rusty red nails. Kindda apt since I will be at the American Club for an event on Thursday. Hehe..

ALSO ALSO. I downloaded many many many songs today - mainly N.E.R.D., Neptune, Pharrell, Kelis and whatever I linked to from my searches. Yes, it is in keeping with the N.E.R.D concert I will be attending this Friday at 11.30pm!
I'm not a concert person, but I decided to treat myself, because, why not?

Sidenote: the next concert I would love to attend is Jamie Cullum. I wanna see if he jumps off the piano again or makes his audience sing a spontaneous harmony.

Back to main entry..
In my downloads, I chanced upon a GEM! A damn GEM I tell you -
Its! Close to a cover, definitely reconstructed... Its a remixed song!
Neptune remixed Sade's classic "By Your Side", upping the sexy tones and grooviness.
Its also got a super sexy video that was well, filmed for some other production but has the song as an apt accompaniment.

enjoy..

outletofhonestexpression 1:44 AM

After time had kindly chosen to pace itself for me today. I abused it.

But before that, let's talk about the good stuff.

Everything was strangely relaxing today.

Maybe it was due to the unusual peaceful quiet in the office - I managed to leave earlier than usual.

Maybe it was the long corridor that takes you from the North East Line to the North South Line that was unusually organised as there are now yellow lines demarcating lanes in which most people tended to stick to.

And then I entered an MRT cabin that was spacious because it was the kind that had no seats and lots of railings and overhead handles. I actually had space to whip out my "Julie & Julia" book and engulfed it while time took, well, its own sweet time to take me to Clementi.

And then the bus, came immediately and though there was the usual throng of adult workers who transform into adult students as soon as it hits 7pm, I managed to somehow get a seat in the upper deck!

Oh wait, before that, a guy coolly let me go up first and smiled my thank you because he had music blasting in his ears.

And the weather, the entire day was cooling - not the sleepy-oh-gawd-i-should-be-in-bed kind but the sprightly-i'm-so-glad-i'm-out-in-this-weather kind.

So this was my Marvellous Monday. :)

but then I kinda abused it because I OD-ed on the youtubing- googling-wikipedia-ing and all because I watched "America's Next Top Model" on TV. I catch a media bug super easily and it gives me a heady voracious insatiable hunger that doesn't make sense.

Well anyway, I managed to close a window and retract from the laptop, wash my face, brush my teeth and message the boyfriend goodnight.

and now, I shall end my lovely Monday with some lovely sleep.

Goodnight world.

outletofhonestexpression 3:08 AM

time seems to passing by phenomenally slow for me .. its very strange.
I know it sounds a tad pessimistic but I think its the calm before the storm.

Will be having night class for the next three days straight. I can only hope I don't end up cranky/dead at the end of this week.

I am not geared up for the weeks ahead and neither am I feigning anything in hope that my body will be duped into being ready.
I just want to take it easy and pull through. and somehow manage to at the same time, clear the mess of shopping bags and whatnot that is piling up between my clothesrack and dressing table.

Maybe its a good thing that my mind is a slight blank and that time seems to be kindly giving me some extra minutes. Let's see how this thing blows baby.

yee har.

outletofhonestexpression 10:51 AM

I'm going to do a bit of narrative here.. because its been a great start to the weekend and I managed to squeeze in a lot of self pampering :)

It all started yesterday when I got home early for a Friday after dinner with Angela- chatted with the boyfriend and then promptly fell asleep without showering. However, I woke up in the middle of the night and sleepily set the alarm an hour earlier so I could shower in the morning and maybe do a facial mask as well.

Surprisingly, I did manage to roll off my bed and shower thoroughly and luxuriously. That felt really good - then I did my face mask routine which comprises of the Biore black peach pore pack and a peel off "Himalayan" mask (purchased from Watsons). Turned on the a/c on low so that the mask and pore pack could dry properly and not be half-fucked from the humidity. Lying with my face covered in gunk, propped up on my fluffy pillow and my body feeling nicely scrubbed. It was heavenly - and I promptly fell asleep again, but not before setting off an alarm to go off 15 mins, 30 mins and then 45 mins later.

After the final alarm, I reluctantly awoke and with my handy dandy mirror that I keep at my bedside, I peeled off the pore pack first, marvelled at the disgusting blackheads that now populated the now hardened strip, and then proceeded to peel, no, tear off the very very very dried and tightly adhered layer of skin-coloured-dried-paint-texture-like mask off my face, without trying to frown so it wouldn't create temporary wrinkles.

The mask helps to weed out blackheads, tiny hairs as well as tighten my pores. It also helped to make me fully awake as all the nerves on my face screamed as I painstakingly tore off the stubborn mask. When I was done, my face was perfect and my eyes watering.

In preparation for my day out, I threw on (after some deliberation) my newly purchased shirt dress (got it for $13 yesterday at This Fashion), my faded three-quarts (for decency because I was going to meet a client first thing) and slightly mismatched floral wedges (because I was running slightly late). Laid back and comfy :)

The meeting at the Jongs went well. Mrs Jong is always so motherly and funny. She also commented that I lost weight - which is factually highly contrary to reality - but I graciously thanked her for the compliment and then made an ungracious giggle.

I did a lot of walking after that - and boy, the sun was full out today - but I walked happily from Tanglin area, to Borders to search for a book. In the meantime, I arranged to meet Risca for Lunch near her new lovenest with Yonas (light brown bldg behind Taka). We had Shokudo for lunch which is always SHO(I)K! I then crashed at her place while the newly infatuated Khai took the entire afternoon to finally decide to part from her new special friend.

After one and a half hrs of "Waking Up in Reno" which was interesting becauce it featured Charlize Theron and that guy (can't rmb his name) and Penelope Cruz waaaay back - when Penelope looked damn skinny and gangly, and then an hour of "Hey! Paula" about Paula Abdul - yawn - and then a half hour of "American Idol" (I didn't know they had a blind finalist!!! Will it turn out like Singapore's SuperStar? Where the guy was speculated to have sympathy votes?) , I finally met with Khai outside Gloria Jeans, then proceeded to Coffee Bean and caught up over iced coffee and sadly old cheesecake that I mashed up mid conversation. She's happy and I'm glad :)

We then walked all the way across town to "The Lingerie Shop" at Palais Renaissance for their sale - according to Khai, they had discounts up to 90%! Entering the main boutique on the third floor, it looked nothing like a sale - no signage, no greedy customers, nothing - before I thought that this sale was looking very subtle, the lady cheerily told us to 'check out the sale on the basement' - I had a sneaky suspicion that us non-attas clad mortals were not there for their fine lingerie but there because we smelt a bargain, but she was being very nice about it. And we immediately backtracked and sniffed our way down to the basement and found the glorious sale.

Unfortunately, the range was so-so and the items that we were interested in, still came up to quite a lot even after discount - as their original price was very high to begin with. And besides, I already felt I had a lot of bras and undies - any more would be a want and not a need. So I checked out their nighties and found a cute and unique blue peacock number which came up to a slightly higher price than what you find outside but bought anyway because it was so cute :) This is my third nightie now that I can add to my new collection :)

Disappointed from having found nothing worth buying, Khai and Rad wanted to go to La Senza also because she had their membership card and could get discounts off items that were already cheap to begin with so would definitely be even cheaper!

I bought 5 undies - at promotional price - with further discount thanks to Khai's membership!

They spent a whole hour at the shop and left with more than what I purchased - you could tell from the largely varying size of paperbags we received. Mine was a cute B5 sized paperbag that fit my 5 undies nicely. Theirs were large almost A3 sized paper bags to fit their many bras and undies. They were rather satisfied I think.

From Paragon, we walked to Cineileisure again to see if we could catch a movie. However the shows were either sold out or something that Khai had already caught. I was adamant that we caught a show because that - would have completed my chill out weekend. So we decided to try our luck at Cathay at Handy Rd, but not before resting and having dinner at Kobayashi (Jap for lunch, Korean for dinner hehe)

Not a wide selection at The Cathay eventually but we finally agreed on "Marley and Me" because it was a safe choice and it was the only choice pretty much. We also chanced upon a lovely bazaar that was in the outdoor atrium of The Cathay - we pounced on the first stall we saw and I decisively paid for two dresses - one was plain black for work - the other was faded colourful striped - for me - for fun.

For the next 3.5 hrs, we sat at our (technically) 3rd coffee joint for the day and stoned/read/played hangman/listened to music/watch Khai model clothes from the bazaar until it was finally about time to go up for the movie.

"Marley and Me" was endearing and heartwarming. I noticed that Jenn Aniston's chin is saggier but that's what happens when you watch super backdated episodes of Friends and then see the same actress on the big screen updated with age. I'm gonna give away the ending - Marley dies and you don't get to see him as a cute pup much in the movie. Most of the antics involve him as a fully grown intimidating adult that instilled fear in neighbours, postmen, delivery men, dog trainer and an unfortunate dog-sitter but loved his owner's family to bits, sometimes, tearing their furniture, into bits. The whole show's message was about family and yadayada - the govt should consider screening this movie for free because it makes family life seem so easy to have - the only downside they had was, torn furniture, having to deal with poop, a somewhat "dangerous" neighbourhood, not being able to fully pursue their already well developed careers and death of the dog. They didn't have insecurity issues, they didn't have a flawed marriage with wandering partners, they didn't extraordinary problems with their children and they didn't grow fat or old even when they grew old - not one bit - they should take some make up tips from the Benjamin Button crew - at least give the actors more wrinkles/ lines when they turned 40 on the show to inject some realism. Give Jennifer Aniston some stretch marks for god's sakes since her character keeps producing babies.

Well, I don't really have anymore complaints. I cooked this entry in my head in the taxi on the way home and now reproduced it online.

The only complaint I have its that I really miss Alex.

I miss him the most when I'm having fun because I wish I was having fun with him too.

I want him in my sorrow and in my joy.

Its been a beautiful day.

outletofhonestexpression 2:59 AM

its very strange.

everything seems so peaceful now.. though I still feel like I'm at the brink of insanity, I find myself having the willpower to pull myself back.

I've gotten into the bad habit of running away again. I guess I'm just weary from fighting all my life. and then having nothing to fight for and then now, having something to fight for again - myself.

the feelings of despair, the feelings of dark despair. all thrown back at me, all deemed to be useless.

and they are. they are indeed useless, in fact, they are the antithesis of anything useful.

though the lull of giving up draws near, I pull myself away to face harsh brittle reality -

i can't freeze myself in a moment in time, I know that it will all rush by and memory can't grasp tight enough to hold on for long enough. and soon enough life passes you by.

but what other way is there to live?

"people are fragile things you should know by now, careful what you put them through..."

corrine bailey rae

outletofhonestexpression 12:53 AM

what are you hiding there,

underneath that layer

what are you hiding there,

why don't you seek me in the dark

why don't you come and care

what are you hiding there

why do you find comfort in that lair

of deceit, distractions and disillusions

why are you hiding from the one that cares...

outletofhonestexpression 12:51 AM